Miracles

**Sorry for the long post, but I don't want to forget any of the details***

The day was Sunday, October 24, 2010. We were getting ready to go to Rick's parents house to celebrate my Birthday and Dan's Birthday. The kids were excited and ready to go. "What car should we get in?" Lately, we had been driving Rick's smaller Lexus to save on gas whenever possible. Without thinking I said "get in the Denali" Right after I said that, I was certain that Rick would tell the kids to get into his car, as this had happened so many times before. Surprisingly, when I went out in the garage, the whole family had piled in the Big, heavy, strong Denali. This was the beginning of our miraculous story.

Thank goodness for miracles, angels, priesthood blessings, family and friends! These are a few of my favorite things!!!!

We enjoyed a wonderful steak dinner Jacquie had prepared for us. Jacquie always makes the best steaks in the whole world. Our tummys were STUFFED and we had a fun night visiting and playing with the toys grandma and grandpa had brought back from their latest trip. One of highlights were these drinking straws shaped like glasses. You would drink the water and it would go up the straw, around your eyes and into your mouth. The kids all loved this, especially Mallory, who drank twice her weight in water. Just before leaving we were having a great conversation with Dan and Jacquie about the journey of life. Rick shared his philosophy that Life is not about the destination, it is about the journey. Ironically, we mentioned that we believe that we have guardian angels who are with us and watching over us. I'm pretty sure we had NO IDEA how close those angels were with us as we were talking about them.

So, we waved good-bye and got on the road home. I was anxious to get the kids to bed, clean up the house, and get ready to start a new week. We didn't even make it out of the neighborhood when Mallory said she needed the restroom. Thanks, grandma for the straw glasses!!! I hurried Mallory into the bathroom. We had to wait our turn, and I was losing patience...I just wanted to get home. We made it out of the gas-station quickly and back on the road. Oh how I wish I would have offered to buy Mallory a candy bar, just to buy a little more time. Hind-sight is 20/20.

The drive home was very quiet and nice. Rick and I were talking about his business ideas, Lindsie had fallen asleep and Troy and Mallory were watching the movie "How to Train your Dragon." We were only about 15 minutes from home.

I remember blinking my eyes and seeing the side of a white car in front of us. No time to scream, no time to think, no time to react in any way. It was a blessing that it happened so fast because if Rick had time to react, I fear he would have tried to swerve, which could have caused our car to roll. Instead we hit the side of the car, later estimated at a 120 mph impact. We aren't sure what was going on inside of that small white car that night. What we do know is this: The man and his wife were in their early 70's and had just finished having dinner at their kids home in Eagle Mountain. Witnesses say that the man was driving very fast, trying to pass people and flashing his brights. While he was flashing his brights, he must have accidentally turned off his headlights. His car started to lose control and spin into our lane. It's no wonder we didn't see him coming without his headlights on. It was a cloudy rainy night, the kind of night that just seems so DARK. I can still hear the loud crash and visualize the air bags going off as we collided with the small car. Our car spun a 180 and what seemed like forever skidded down the street. I was so relieved when we stopped. The kids started to cry, Rick quickly gained control of the situation and was determined to get his family to safety as soon as possible. My first thought was to turn around and see how the kids were, I needed to make sure they were all okay. My neck would not move. My brain was telling my neck to move, but it would not move. I felt like the air had been all sucked out of my lungs, I could barely speak. Before I knew it Rick had jumped into the back seat and he and the kids were all out. "Is anyone still in here?" I asked when I got the air back into my lungs again. Silence. I tried to open my door... the door lever was just hanging there. All I could do was sit there and face forward. Then I heard Rick's voice, "What are you still doing in here?" "I can't get out." Rick then, pulled me over the seat and out of the car. As I started to walk, everything started spinning. "I'm going to pass out." "Wait a minute" Rick said, "Not here." My legs caved in and Rick helped me to the ground. "I think I have really bad whip lash." "My neck is killing me." This really sucks because tomorrow morning I'm going to boot camp, my Monday morning highlight, and it's going to be difficult to exercise with this neck pain. I was surrounded by people. Everyone was throwing blankets on me to keep me warm. My body was just shaking and shaking. I must have been going into shock. On the drive home, I was holding what was left of the chocolate birthday cake Jacquie had sent home with us. When the air bag went off, chocolate flew everywhere. Apparently I was covered in chocolate cake and later found out that I looked like I had dried blood all over me. Everyone who came over to me laying on the ground had a horrible look on their face, until they heard it was only chocolate cake with raspberry filling.

I will never forget the young couple who just sat by my side on the road that cold windy night. They had taken off their jackets and put them over me. The nice man kept asking me how I was doing and if I needed anything. I was very worried about my children. I had asked Rick if they were okay and he assured me they were fine. But, something about not seeing them with my own eyes was very disturbing. I remembered that I had heard Lindsie and Mallory cry, but I never heard Troy cry. I could hear the helicopters landing, I could hear the news station reporters near by. Everyone was running around. This must be a very big deal, I thought. Is something wrong with my kids???? That wonderful man told me he would go and check for me. When he came back he told me that they were inside someone's 5th wheel trailer, warm and watching a movie. He said he had talked to each one of the kids and they were all great. He even knew each one of their names. What an angel. How could there be a stranger that would be so kind to me and the only thing on his mind was helping me. He didn't care that he was cold or that he had someplace to be. He didn't even know me. This was the beginning of my realization how good people are. I had no idea this was only the beginning of the love and support that was ahead of me from so many people.

More Earthly Angels were surrounding us: So there was a young couple pulling a 5th wheel and they stopped to help. They let my kids come into the trailer to get warm. Rick was running back and forth from me to the kids. He ran into the trailer and saw my kids all kneeling down with the couple holding hands, saying a prayer for me. Come to find out, Lindsie had asked if they would say a prayer with her. What a tender moment. What amazing children I have. I know the Lord was listening to their prayers and we could all feel it. This was the beginning of many many prayers to come. This incredible couple offered to turn around the opposite direction of their home and take my kids home for us. Rick and I decided for Rick to go and make sure they made it home and then meet me at the hospital. By this time, they had me in the ambulance and gave me morphine. Thank goodness for morphine, as the pain was getting worse. Rick got the kids safely to the Erskines who were so willing to take our kids for us and Jason drove Rick to the hospital to meet me. Thank goodness for friends who are always there for us, who will help us at any given moment. I knew my kids were safe. Thank you so much Erskines for taking care of my kids who just went through the most traumatic moment of their lives!!!!

The ambulance arrived at Riverton Hospital. They wheeled me into a room in the ER. The television was on with the BREAKING NEWS story. What in the world, is he talking about our accident? Was it really that bad? I thought I had heard news reporters there. The EMT who brought me into the room wanted me to know before I heard it on the TV that the other couple in the white car had not survived the accident. My heart fell, I have never had such a pit in my stomach before. WOW, this was bad. Two people had lost their lives. I'm so grateful we are okay. My kids are safe at the Erskines excited to have a sleep-over with their friends, while there is another family who is receiving the shocking news that their loved ones had been in an accident and did not survive. Very sobering! Rick and the kids were all fine--just a little soreness from the seat belts and Lindsie had a bump on her forehead. We will never complain again about our gas-guzzler of a car. We will count our blessings every time we fill up the tank.

Rick was at the hospital quicker than I had expected. Thank you Jason for making sure he got here safe. They took x-rays of my neck and saw that I had fractured my neck. I needed to be transferred to IMC, where they had a better trauma unit. Rick rode with me in the ambulance to the next stop. There we were greeted by my parents, Rick's parents, Michele, Barry, Jason and Brandon. I really can't believe all these people would come to the hospital to see me. Don't they know it's late and they all have to be at work tomorrow? Thank goodness for family and friends who know when we needed support, we just didn't realize how much support we were going to need that night.

I remember the surgeon walking into the room. I remember everyone continually asking me to squeeze their fingers, wriggle my toes, asking me if I had feeling on the surface of my legs and arms. I just thought this was standard procedure that they had to do to all the patients with whip-lash (denial). I didn't know that they were trying to figure out why I wasn't paralyzed. Then the surgeon began to explain the situation. He began by saying "this is very serious." Okay, I know, a neck fracture is considered serious. It wasn't until he began to explain, when I realized what he meant by "serious." He said that my vertebrae in my neck had dislocated 6 mm. We need to get those vertebrae back where they belong. I asked him, "Is there a chance I could become paralyzed?" fully expecting him to say of course not, we do this surgery all the time and are very good at it. Well, it was just the opposite. He said, "Yes, you could become paralyzed!" What did he just say?? Did he really say "yes." I will never forget how Rick and I looked at each other. My eyes said to Rick, "Please fix this problem." Rick then asked Dr. Dal Canto, "how many times have you done this surgery." Dr. replied, "never, I've never seen someone with this injury who wasn't already paralyzed." I realized then that whenever there is a problem I look to Rick to fix it. Rick always comes through, he always fixes our problems. He is amazing at fixing problems, that is what he is so good at. I know my husband will fix this problem too. Just give me some more pain meds and let me slip into la-la land while my husband and doctor figure out what to do. That is exactly what happened. Rick and Dr. Dal Canto brain stormed how to get the vertebrae back in place without cutting the spinal cord. They came to the conclusion to try and wait until morning when his medical team arrived and he would have familiar people to work with and they would do traction to get the vertebrae to move back to where they belong. Dr. Dal Canto slept there that night in case I started to lose feeling and my darling husband stood by my bedside all night long asking me every 15 minutes if I could still feel his touch. Before I went to bed that night, I got to see my amazing friends Lisa, Liz and Heather. I have the best friends in the world to come in the middle of the night to see if I was okay. They assured me they would take care of everything for me at home. Rick, my dad, Dan, Jason, Brandon, and Barry layed their hands on my head while Rick gave me a priesthood blessing. In the blessing he said I would be healed 100%, he was prompted to say this, even though the dr. was offering no 100% guarantees. I am so thankful for a husband who is worthy to give me a priesthood blessing! Prayers started to flood the heavens at this point, as word was spreading what had happened.

Monday morning at 7:00 I was ready for surgery. Rick looked at me as they wheeled me away and said, "everything is going to be okay" I replied, "do you promise?"

They needed me fully awake during the first part of the surgery. They needed me to tell them if I was losing feeling in my arms or legs. They began by shaving my hair behind my ears so they could drill the holes for the halo. They secured a halo to my head and put some long sleeves on my arms. This was the last I remembered. Thank goodness for drugs that make you forget the pain and agony you have gone through. I am told that they then began to do traction. Using 60 pounds of pressure they stretched my head up and my arms down. As they did this, they took x-rays of the vertebrae to see how far they were moving. They had people there constantly checking my strength and feeling. They would then stretch some more and take another picture. They did this until the vertebrae nicely moved back where they belong and my amazingly strong spinal cord remained intact. It was truly a miracle. They had moved the bones back and no paralysis. The Dr. immediately called Rick who was waiting patiently for the news. Rick was over-joyed with emotion and luckily had the love of family and friends in the waiting room with him as he found out his wife would not be paralyzed. Needless to say, he was beyond grateful and his emotions took over. He had held it all together until that point and he was now able to let his emotions out. The next step was to put me under anesthesia so they could go in and secure the spine with a plate and screws. That was the easy part, the hard part was over.

Coming out of surgery, I don't really remember when I found out I wasn't paralyzed. I guess I just knew. I was pretty groggy and was just bummed it wasn't a dream, this was reality. When I got back to my room, I already had flowers there from people and the visitors started coming one by one. I never would have thought it would mean so much to have visitors. I would have thought it would be nice to be left alone and sleep. It's just the opposite, visitors are a reminder of all the wonderful people I am surrounded by. How did I get so lucky to have so many great family and friends??? It was now time to celebrate this precious miracle we had been blessed with and that is exactly what we did. First Dr. Dal Canto came into the room, and with much excitement high-fived Rick and threw the x-rays up on the screen. "Check this out" He was so proud of his work and we were so grateful for his amazing talent. As he and Rick were celebrating and looking over the x-rays, they didn't seem to care that as the anesthesia was wearing off, I was getting ready to barf. At least Rick grabbed me the barf bag and placed it under my gigantic neck brace. Try barfing with a neck brace on. Not fun. Anyway, Rick and Dr. did not even pause in their conversation. They both stood over me talking a mile a minute. They had just made the connection that Dr. Dal Canto slalom skiis and air-chairs. As I'm puking up my insides, at least I got to hear about my favorite passion....waterskiing and Last Chance.

We spent all of Monday evening with a room full of visitors. I have never been more genuinely happy to see all of my loved ones. I was visiting with everyone, we were laughing and having a good time when all of the sudden my three beautiful, amazing, and so-alive children walked into the room. I just burst out in tears as my emotions took over. This was the first time I had seen with my own eyes that they were really okay. They have never looked so good to me. I love those kids with all of my heart. They brought me flowers and a get well balloon. Mallory had all kinds of questions about how I got into the hospital gown and if anyone had to see me naked. She was very concerned about this. Thank you Liz and Lisa for brining my kids to me.

After all the visitors left, Rick suggested I get up and go for my first walk. It was a little bit hard to get out of that bed after I had been flat on my back for the last 24 hours, but let me tell you, I have never appreciated a simple walk so much in my life. We just walked to the end of the hall and back, but it felt incredible. With every step I couldn't help but think about how amazing my body was to be working so well. I was actually walking. I could be paralyzed right now, learning how to get in and out of a wheelchair. Instead the same day I had surgery on my spine, I was up and walking and it felt wonderful.

My first night of sleep was really rough. Everytime I fell asleep I would have this horrible nightmare that I was slowly losing feeling in my legs and the paralysis was setting in. I would wake up, so grateful it was a dream, only to fall back asleep and have the same dream again. This must have happened 4 or 5 times. I desparately tried not to fall asleep again. I was so glad when morning came and I could go for another walk again.

We went for a nice walk around the hallways of the trauma floor. I began to feel dizzy and weak. I told Rick I was done and maybe we could go again later. As I got back into my bed, my eyes rolled back and I started having a seizure. I remember hearing Rick yelling "NURSE" and it snapped me out of it. This was very scary for me. Why would I have a seizure. I've never had a seizure. Luckily we found out that my IV had been leaking all night long and I was very dehydrated. Once we got fluid back into my body, I felt much better again. We decided to keep me in the hospital one more night to watch and make sure all was well.

My stay at the hospital was as good as a stay in the hospital can be. It was very strange how different my perspective was now. When the nurses would ask me if I was in pain, I was very happy and proud to feel my pain. When they drew my blood and had to poke me with a needle, I was truly grateful to feel the stick of the needle in my arm. If anyone told me I would feel happy for pain, I would have thought they were some kind of person with self-mutilating behaviors. I am not a self-mutilator, I am just very happy that I can feel the pain, the cold, the touches. I'm pretty sure I will always have a new perspective on pain.

Wednesday morning we got to come home from the hospital. I thought the car ride would be nerve racking, but it wasn't that bad. I'm logical enough to know that I have been in a car many times and haven't gotten into an accident, this one time was rare. It was so nice to be home. This is where I was going to spend all of my time for the next three months, and that was okay. I am not allowed to go in a car until the bone has time to fuse and get strong again. I love my home. I love my view of the lake and the mountains out the window. As I walked into my kitchen, it was filled with so many beautiful flowers from all of my friends and family. Just another reminder of how loved I am. Every day more packages, cards, and flowers were arriving. People were saying the nicest things to me on Facebook. I wish everyone could know like I know how much love surrounds me. I was overwhelmed by all of the outpouring of love and support. My friends had come in and cleaned my house, did my laundry, helped my kids with school projects, got my kids to all of their activities. This was only the start of all the help. Lisa and Liz had arranged for meals to be brought in for the first three weeks. Each friend took a turn with my kids each day so I could rest. My friend, Darla, drove all the way from Midway to bring me lunch, go on walks with me, bring me dinner, organize my kids pictures, pick Troy up from school when he came home with chest pains, and just sat and listened to me process what had happened to our family. Friends called me every single day to see if I needed anything from Costco, or the grocery store. Lisa has been doing my Christmas shopping. My mom and Jacquie have come to help me every week. My sisters and cousins have come to visit. I have had people coming over every single day just to visit with me. The dinners we have had every night have been the most delicious meals ever. This is why I am absoultely overwhelemed. I can't believe that all of these people would take time out of their busy lives just to help me. I could go on and on about all that people have done. Maybe that will be my next post. lol.

My amazing husband has been my rock through all of this. Like I said before, I look to Rick to fix our problems. He has been so patient and loving as he has had to juggle his work schedule and getting the kids where they need to be. I'm so grateful for Rick and his understanding of what life is all about. He is such a great man. I know even if I had been paralyzed, he would have made it work, just because that's how he is.

One more piece of the story I want to always remember is the blanket we found in our car. After we were home, a friend of ours cleaned out our car and brought us all of our belongings. There was this darling pink fleece blanket. Where did this come from? This was not our blanket? It looked just like a blanket Mallory would have begged for at the store. We realized that this was a blanket that someone had put over me while I was freezing on the side of the road that night. We call this blanket our angel blanket. Mallory has bonded with this blanket. Every night before she goes to bed we tell this story:
A nice family stopped to see if we needed help and could see that I needed a blanket to keep me warm that night. The mom asked the little girl (our angel) if she could use her favorite blanket to put over me. The little girl knew she needed to help this stranger and was willing to give up her favorite blanket to help out. Mallory loves to add to the story little details about what the girl said to her mom and of course that her mom went and bought the angel girl another blanket just like it the next day. This blanket has been such a blessing for Mallory. Kids don't know how to express their feelings like adults do. I have been able to process my emotions and feelings over and over as I talk about it, but kids don't do this. Mallory needed this blanket to comfort her. She keeps this blanket by her side whenever she is home. She prays for the little girl every night that gave up her favorite blanket
for us. When she needs comfort, she wraps the blanket around her and suddenly everything is okay.

We are going to be okay, in fact, we are going to be better people because of this experience. I have learned so many life lessons. It has sparked so many conversations with my children and Rick about experiences that have shaped who we are. It has now been four weeks since the accident. I have two more months of taking it easy and letting my neck heal. The doctor has told me I will be waterskiing by May and hopefully starting to run in January. Three months out of my life is a small price to pay for something that could have been a lot worse. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a hard time sitting still. Jason Erskine said it best, "Margo's whole life is about movement" -- waterskiing, snowskiing, mtn biking, running. I guess I just love to be moving. I love to be active and am so grateful that I get to continue all of the activites I love and I get to keep moving through this journey of life.

Here are some pictures of the rubble....

Our big car saved our lives!

My first walk and the best walk of my life.

Believe in Miracles!

The angel blanket